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An Open Letter To All The Sanitary Napkin Brands

Okay, so we all see on the idiot box (Television) that there are number of sanitary napkin brands that endorse periods in a beautiful, wet, smelly, non-smelly, soft, cushion, active, over reactive, under reactive, super-active and in every possible way on this planet. But what they really need to know is, girls are not even 0.00001% happy the way they show in their advertisements. So, we are back again with another exciting article where I’d like to dedicate an Open Letter To All The Sanitary Napkin Brands about what the real fact is. Reality needs to hit them hard. Including guys who think our mood swings are only because we are PMSing. Read every bit of it carefully.

Image Courtesy : www.vanityfair.com
Image Courtesy : www.vanityfair.com

Dear Sanitary Napkin Brands’ Marketing Team,

You suck at creativity. Oh! My apologies..

Greetings for the day…

You still suck at advertising. What is the big difference between one brand of pad and another? How can periods be so much fun to you all? How can you not consider the actual facts? You guys owe me an explanation to all of these questions:

1. We Love Our Beds

Regardless of we having our periods or no, we love our beds more than our boyfriends. And when we have our periods on, why on earth would you expect us to leave our beds? Why?? We suffer from pathetic cramps, which you would never be able to understand. There’s a devil inside our vaginas who is living on our blood for one bloody week. Climbing a mountain, playing football, hanging out with our girl gang or any stupid internship project is way out of our list.

Image Courtesy : Giphy
Image Courtesy : Giphy

2. We Hate Whites:

Not because the stain shows off more distinctively, but because we are extremely conscious. Not only whites, we hate wearing bras too. Why to unnecessarily burden our boobs when you are going to be home all day long? We sneeze and our uterus is just separated from our body/ We just hate anything or anyone touching any inch of our skin. You little piece of shit, wear black or any other darker color one day. Why do you always have to wear whites and tights in your advertisements? Stay the hell away!

Image Courtesy : Imgur
Image Courtesy : Imgur

3. Designs:

Explain me one thing, every freakin’ brands… Why and for what in this universe do you have such elaborate designs on your pads? The last time I saw such detailed work was when I visited Taj Mahal and Fatehpur Sikri! You feel your pads are some monuments and we are here to spit gutka on it through our vaginas? What are you all going to invent next?! Manish Malhotra’s or Anita Dongre’s designer pads, internationally designed from China for INR 2500/ each! Seriously?

Image Courtesy : Giphy
Image Courtesy : Giphy

4. Exaggeration: 

You have names like Stayfree, Whisper, Poise, Sofy and what not! Why such names? Who the hell is going to stay free in those days? And what’s with this Whisper? Who Whispers? Vagina whispering to the pad, “Babe, you look RED hot?!” And and…to top it all, you guys make superficial, unnatural, out of this orbit advertisements. Like “throw a pad in a pond and that friggin’ pad soaks the entire pond water!!!!” You mean when there is a natural calamity like floods or tsunami, we need not run, but just throw these pads in the water?

*slow claps*

Image Courtesy : PopKey
Image Courtesy : PopKey

 

5. Contradictory Cowards:

You first endorse pads but feel ashamed to say the word “Periods”? You end up terming “During those days…” Which days? Sunday? Monday? Holiday? Republic Day? Maharashtra Day? Dry Day?

Why can’t you use the word “Periods” out loud? Such is your contradiction towards your own bloody brand.

 

Image Courtesy : Bustle
Image Courtesy : Bustle

 

Please understand one thing, we in real life, do not enjoy or are so happy about our monthly cycle. We are not at all excited about it, either. We are fucked up for 7 days every month! How the hell can we be super-active? Why can’t you advertise reality? Are you ashamed of it? Or you really are unaware of the reality?

Girls, I am dead sure you would agree to each and every point of ours, already. If any of you has an answer to any of the above mentioned questions, do mention it below by commenting the same. It’s your time to remove all your frustration. Go for it, honey!

 

Image Courtesy : Dorkl
Image Courtesy : Dorkly

 

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No, I won’t say Happy Menstruating.

But, Happy Reading!

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